Science & Technology
Mars Rover Does Fifteen Jobs During One Meeting
Mars Rover Curiosity took fifteen images during an orbiter call, setting a productivity target nobody on Earth requested.
Penelope Crumb-Wainscot
Penelope resigned as administrator of her neighbourhood WhatsApp group following an eleven-month constitutional dispute over bin night. She now documents the continuing collapse of British civilisation, including men wearing shorts in restaurants, children possessing opinions, and cafés serving anything in a jam jar.
UK Politics & Public Life
Savings Chair Makes Immediate Withdrawal
The Savings Chair has made an immediate withdrawal, leaving NS and I to begin an interim search and guard the upholstery.
Culture & Entertainment
Human Traffic Gets 4K, Clubbers Need Reading Glasses
Human Traffic returns in 4K, allowing former clubbers to examine their favourite 1999 weekend in extremely sharp detail.
Sport
Mitchell Starc Ends 100th Test Before Cake
Mitchell Starc finished his 100th Test with six for nine, leaving a commemorative cake to bat at number three.
World
UN Energy Report Finds PowerPoint Fully Charged
The UN energy report calls for electricity access and renewable power, once the presentation has found a socket.
Health & Lifestyle
NHS Chargepoints Give Ambulances A Responsible Socket
NHS chargepoints will support cleaner ambulances and fleets, bringing electric vehicles to more than 200 hospital sites.
Travel & Transport
Transport Projects Put Cones Into Full Employment
Transport projects bring road and rail investment, jobs and homes, plus a historic expansion in cone based employment.
Business & Economy
Infrastructure Investment Finds Britain Worth More On Paper
Infrastructure investment puts Britain’s roads and pipes into a spreadsheet, where nothing requires a diversion sign.
Science & Technology
Onshore Wind Strategy Gives Breeze 82 Pages Of Targets
The onshore wind strategy gives Britain’s wind 82 pages of targets, 40 actions and a timetable it cannot possibly blow off.
UK Politics & Public Life
Planning Appeals Go Online So Refusals Load Faster
Planning appeals are going digital, allowing Britain to reject your tasteful orangery with modern speed and an individual login.