World
Petra Rudolf Retirement Leaves Flowers Underqualified
Petra Rudolf retirement plans have left the traditional signed card facing a crisis of purpose.
Felicity Bunce
Felicity has been in a six-year dispute with a supermarket loyalty scheme over seven missing points. She owns a filing cabinet containing every receipt issued to her since 1993 and has successfully returned a toaster on the grounds that “the toast had become complacent.” Retailers generally know her simply as Mrs Bunce Again.
Health & Lifestyle
NHS Appointments Stay Put Until The Text Arrives
NHS Appointments remain on unless patients hear otherwise, leaving the calendar to maintain a very British composure.
Travel & Transport
Germany Train Promises Direct Route Via Meetings
Germany Train plans promise a direct route, once a joint taskforce has visited every possible platform and meeting room.
Business & Economy
Economic Uncertainty Posts Another Strong Quarter
Economic uncertainty topped business worries again, leaving firms to revise the budget and reuse the outlook sentence.
Science & Technology
Arctic Clouds Finally Obey Lane Discipline
Arctic Clouds formed perfectly ordered streets over the Laptev Sea, giving the sky a rare example of lane discipline.
UK Politics & Public Life
Midlands Drought Puts Clouds On Performance Plan
The Midlands drought puts clouds on a performance plan, as dry weather and restrictions bring rain under sharp scrutiny.
Culture & Entertainment
Battleship Potemkin Gets A Pet Shop Boys Mutiny
Battleship Potemkin returns with a Pet Shop Boys score, giving a classic mutiny the correct electronic urgency.
Sport
Norway Iceland Gives Defending The Night Off
Norway Iceland produced seven goals at Women’s EURO 2025 and reduced both defences to a useful training film.
World
BRICS Summit Hears Earth Has Reached Management
The BRICS summit heard Earth’s complaint about accelerating disasters, then arranged a panel with excellent lighting.
Health & Lifestyle
NHS App Offers Healthcare With Twelve Digital Locks
The NHS App will make healthcare feel like online banking, including security questions, mysterious menus and a fear of pressing back.