NASA’s Crew-9 splashed down safely on 18 March. Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore came home after an unexpectedly long stay aboard the International Space Station. Experts in orbital mechanics then handed their astronaut homecoming to the people who organise workplace inductions.
Astronaut homecoming encounters office gravity
The Lawn’s Bureau of Terrestrial Re-entry declared Earth ready. First, however, somebody had to find two chairs, three working biros and the visitor Wi-Fi password. The welcome desk faced inland because the Signage Steering Circle had advised it.
Dr Marina Puddle, Director of Horizontal Homecoming, said: “The body must readjust slowly to gravity and hotel carpeting. It must also face a man called Keith asking whether space was nice. We begin with lying down. Later, the astronaut may pretend to remember Keith.”
Officials promised the crew a gentle first week. Medical checks came first. Family time followed. Then came a 47-slide presentation called Earth: What Has Changed Since You Left. Thirty-nine slides covered the revised expenses portal.
Finally, the astronauts demonstrated that they could stand and recognise their loved ones. One task remained: the annual cybersecurity module. One astronaut correctly rejected an email marked “URGENT MESSAGE FROM MOON PAYROLL”. HR failed him because the fake email looked more plausible than theirs.
Read the real story: NASA’s Crew-9 homecoming report.
