The Veterinary Medicines Directorate has produced an annual report so pleased with its percentages that even the medicine bottle has begun checking its posture. Published on 1 July 2026, the report says the regulator achieved 100% performance on national applications, inspections, import and export schemes, and product defect handling. It also records a surveillance pilot involving healthy cats and dogs to fill gaps in antimicrobial resistance data. The bottle has responded by requesting its own performance framework, preferably with biscuits.
The report arrives carrying an impressive case of figures. The VMD says it authorised 20 vaccines and issued 130 marketing authorisations for pharmaceutical products. It also removed more than 850 illegal listings from online marketplaces. Antibiotic sales for food producing animals were reported as 57% lower than in 2014. Somewhere, a spreadsheet has been placed on a podium and is waiting for the national anthem.
Then comes the small print, wearing a modest hat and quietly improving the joke. Across 38 published standards, 22 were met 100% of the time. Thirteen landed between 95% and 99%, two between 85% and 94%, and one fell below 85%. That is strong performance. It is not quite the same as every corner of the organisation achieving perfection while violins play beside the photocopier.
The report also says the VMD managed the end of the Northern Ireland medicine supply grace period without identifying significant supply problems. That is useful work in a year involving animal disease pressures, antimicrobial resistance and regulatory change. It is the sort of achievement that receives a sensible paragraph before being escorted away by a much louder percentage.
The medicine bottle has taken the results personally. It now expects every inspection to end with a certificate, a handshake and a tiny buffet. Its cap has been promoted to quality assurance, despite spending most of the year doing the one task for which it was appointed. The label has applied for senior management after successfully remaining attached.
The figures show a regulator handling a complicated workload and reporting strong results. They also show how quickly a tidy number can put on a dinner jacket and claim to be the entire institution. The bottle has filed its own annual assessment: 100% sealed, 100% labelled and 100% unable to explain why it has been invited to chair the meeting.
Source: GOV.UK.
