Health & Lifestyle
Energy Drinks Ban Puts Classroom Voltage On Standby
A proposed energy drinks ban for under 16s promises calmer classrooms, fewer vibrating pupils and tea’s continued reign.
The Lawn, in retrospect
Earlier articles
The dates are real. The news is satire.
September 2025
Showing 761 to 770 of 1128 stories in this feed
Culture & Entertainment
No Other Choice Makes Recruitment A Matter Of Elimination
In Park’s No Other Choice, a desperate father treats murderous competition as the logical conclusion of modern recruitment language.
Business & Economy
Local Transport Grant Promises A Journey Through Meetings
A £104 million Local Transport Grant promises better journeys, while passengers wait for the funding to arrive at the bus stop.
World
Public Markets Programme Opens A Norwegian Envelope
Norway is giving the UK's MOBILIST programme £2.9 million to attract private capital into emerging markets and make finance sound catalytic.
UK Politics & Public Life
Chief Secretary Appointed To Check Who Is Chiefing
Darren Jones becomes Chief Secretary to oversee government delivery, leaving Downing Street to appoint someone to supervise the supervisors.
Travel & Transport
Rail Ticket App Follows Passenger Until It Understands The Fare
A GPS rail ticket app promises the best daily fare, provided passengers can keep their phones alive through the journey.
Sport
Test Cricket Success Depends On Enjoying Four Hours Of Nothing
Test cricket success requires bowlers to enjoy long quiet phases, a skill office workers have practised during quarterly strategy calls for years.
Science & Technology
Cosmic Collision Detection Doubles And Immediately Receives A Reference Number
Scientists detect more cosmic collisions while fictional officials assign each one a lanyard and a meeting request.
Health & Lifestyle
Chickenpox Vaccine Enters the National Queue
England plans to offer the chickenpox vaccine through routine NHS appointments from January 2026, giving bureaucracy a fresh queue to organise.
Culture & Entertainment
Introvert Film Wins Golden Leopard Without Eye Contact
Miyake Sho’s quiet Locarno winner celebrates solitude, tentative connection and the heroic decision to escape the networking reception.