Lincolnshire has secured more than £110 million for the North Hykeham Relief Road, giving traffic a future escape route and officials a present opportunity to polish the ceremonial spade.
The road is intended to ease congestion around Lincoln. Work is due to begin in the middle of March, with completion expected in May 2029. This gives the traffic several years to prepare a farewell speech, divide up the family silver and complete one last heroic crawl past the roundabout.
The scheme is expected to support 4,500 homes and seven hectares of employment space. It should also improve journey times, reduce congestion and provide facilities for walking and cycling. This is excellent news for everyone except the person who has been in the current queue so long that the satnav now asks whether they would like to renew their passport.
Colin Cone, a local driver with an advanced qualification in sighing, laughed at the announcement. “A new route is wonderful,” he said. “I have been in this queue so long that I am expecting a commemorative plaque, a pension and a small statue of my car.”
Officials estimate that the project could deliver £800 million in economic benefits over 60 years. It will support homes, jobs and local businesses. Britain has therefore responded to a road problem in the traditional manner: announce a vast sum, promise a smoother future and invite the present to remain stationary while everyone congratulates the spreadsheet.
First proposed in the mid 2000s, the final piece of Lincoln’s ring road has spent roughly two decades behaving like a jigsaw piece that required planning permission, funding approval and a public inquiry before agreeing to fit. Now the money is in place and contractors are expected to hit the ground running, provided they can locate the ground beneath the paperwork.
For now, Lincolnshire relief road funding is moving ahead. Drivers have been advised to keep calm, indicate early and bring a packed lunch. By 2029, they may finally reach the other side of Lincoln before the journey qualifies as a heritage experience. At that point the first car through will probably be handed a key to the road, a certificate of patience and a bill for parking it since 2006.
Source: Department for Transport.
