Body checks fall down the daily checklist
Regular body checks are losing badly to checking bank balances and tomorrow’s weather, according to NHS research confirming that Britons monitor drizzle with the vigilance other nations reserve for incoming missiles.
In a survey of 2,000 adults, 39% said they checked their bodies for possible cancer signs at least every three weeks. Meanwhile, 80% checked their bank balance and 70% checked the forecast, presumably to discover whether both their finances and Saturday will remain grey.
The Bureau of Things We Will Definitely Look At Later said the findings reflected a mature national strategy: worry constantly about a £6.40 card payment, then assume any unfamiliar lump is probably caused by sleeping oddly.
“My banking app sends a notification, whereas my left shoulder has never once used a push alert,” explained Felicity Porridge, Senior Avoidance Architect. “Also, the weather map has cheerful little suns. The human body uses ambiguity and elbows.”
The useful advice is far less complicated than the excuses: know what is normal for you, check regularly and contact your GP if something changes or does not feel right. The NHS is not asking anyone to become a full-time amateur diagnostician. It is merely suggesting that your body merits at least the attention currently lavished on whether Tuesday might reach 14 degrees.
Read the real story: NHS England on checking for signs of cancer.
The public has promised to take the reminder seriously, immediately after checking whether the rain will begin at three or merely become emotionally threatening around half past two. The nation is now confident it can notice a suspicious change, provided the change first appears as a notification from its banking app.
