Travel & Transport
Ford Export Guarantee Comes With £1bn, No Spare Key
Ford Export Guarantee support reaches £1 billion for electric power units and cleaner engines, while the Treasury checks the mileage.
Penelope Crumb-Wainscot
Penelope resigned as administrator of her neighbourhood WhatsApp group following an eleven-month constitutional dispute over bin night. She now documents the continuing collapse of British civilisation, including men wearing shorts in restaurants, children possessing opinions, and cafés serving anything in a jam jar.
Business & Economy
Dead Company Learns Death Is No Excuse For Old Forms
Dead Company restoration now requires a revised form and extra document, proving bureaucracy survives everything.
Science & Technology
Mars Rover Does Fifteen Jobs During One Meeting
Mars Rover Curiosity took fifteen images during an orbiter call, setting a productivity target nobody on Earth requested.
UK Politics & Public Life
Savings Chair Makes Immediate Withdrawal
The Savings Chair has made an immediate withdrawal, leaving NS and I to begin an interim search and guard the upholstery.
Culture & Entertainment
Human Traffic Gets 4K, Clubbers Need Reading Glasses
Human Traffic returns in 4K, allowing former clubbers to examine their favourite 1999 weekend in extremely sharp detail.
Sport
Mitchell Starc Ends 100th Test Before Cake
Mitchell Starc finished his 100th Test with six for nine, leaving a commemorative cake to bat at number three.
World
UN Energy Report Finds PowerPoint Fully Charged
The UN energy report calls for electricity access and renewable power, once the presentation has found a socket.
Health & Lifestyle
NHS Chargepoints Give Ambulances A Responsible Socket
NHS chargepoints will support cleaner ambulances and fleets, bringing electric vehicles to more than 200 hospital sites.
UK Politics & Public Life
Evaluation Registry Logs Britain’s Repeat Research
The Evaluation Registry puts government studies in one searchable place, so Britain can finally evaluate how often it evaluates evaluations.
Travel & Transport
Transport Projects Put Cones Into Full Employment
Transport projects bring road and rail investment, jobs and homes, plus a historic expansion in cone based employment.