The Red Roses received a good luck letter before the World Cup final, bringing national encouragement, a broad £400 million grassroots facilities commitment and one more piece of paper to defend from the damp.
The letter wished England luck against Canada, noted that more than three million people had watched the semi final and anticipated the biggest crowd in women’s rugby history. It was prepared to celebrate the occasion without having to carry anything across the gain line, which is a remarkably efficient form of public service.
The government also promised equal access to sport and a £400 million investment in grassroots facilities. That is a commitment to facilities generally, not a cheque already delivered to women’s rugby. The letter handled this distinction with the confidence of a politician placing a ceremonial ribbon beside an unopened building site.
The Department of Sporting Correspondence had considered sending a card. It chose a letter because cards cannot contain “generational change” without folding awkwardly, and because a serious policy promise looks more substantial when it arrives in an envelope with enough room for several future announcements.
‘I have asked whether I can join the team,’ said Penelope, Minister for Ceremonial Encouragement. ‘I can offer strong support from the bench, though I may need a smaller bench and a briefing note explaining what the ball is doing.’
The players, coaches and supporters had already done the difficult work. The letter’s contribution was to arrive before kick off, avoid the tackle bags and position the government nearby while women’s sport looked successful. It is the political equivalent of turning up at the cake after somebody else has baked it and asking whether the icing can carry your name.
Equal access and proper facilities could give more people the chance to play. That would be considerably more useful than replacing every changing room mirror with a speech about national renewal, though the Office of Pre Match Rhetoric has ordered the mirrors removed and commissioned a statement about reflective leadership.
As the squad prepared for Canada, the letter remained safely indoors, completing its own final against condensation. Penelope has since requested a shirt number, a kit sponsor and permission to describe opening the envelope as a sporting achievement. The only thing it has not yet promised is to make the tackle.
Real story: Prime Minister's Office.
