The England Powerchair team began the EPFA Nations Cup in Italy by beating Scotland 6 0 and Italy 2 1 on the same day, leaving football bureaucracy to decide whether two victories count as one exceptionally productive meeting.
England Powerchair team makes efficiency look suspicious
These were England’s opening group games on 20 September. Scotland received the efficient version first. England led 4 0 at half time, added two more goals and completed the morning before anyone could schedule a meeting about momentum.
It was the sort of performance usually announced by a committee after it has discovered a new strategy and immediately produced a twelve page summary of its success. The players had already done the useful bit. The paperwork was still looking for a suitable adjective.
Two wins and one administrative headache
Italy supplied the afternoon complication by scoring first. England then came from behind to win 2 1, proving that even a highly efficient day must occasionally include a plot. The comeback also gave football officials something to describe as a journey, because a straightforward victory would have left several forms unemployed.
The Institute of Tournament Efficiency praised the England Powerchair team for its calendar discipline. Its fictional director, Magnus, said the double fixture showed “excellent meeting reduction” and demonstrated that a team can complete two matches before administration has finished naming the first one.
“Most teams need a warm up, a match and a period of reflection,” Magnus said. “England has reduced that to two matches and a brief opportunity to blame the first half.”
The players supplied goals, substitutions and a comeback. Football bureaucracy supplied the language, including pathway, journey and exciting opportunity. Somewhere in Italy, an official is trying to create a table showing that two wins in one day are both an impressive start and a manageable workload.
The printer has now requested extra toner and a definition of manageable. If England wins again, the tournament may need a larger spreadsheet, a second filing cabinet and a formal review into why the footballers keep finishing before the forms.
Source: England Football.
