Whitehall has equipped its rough sleeping Christmas drive with an advent calendar, allowing ministers to open a door every morning without having to put anyone behind it.
The £442 million package aims to offer everyone who needs it a route off England’s streets by Christmas. The package includes emergency accommodation and practical support, alongside more than 1,000 settled homes over three years. The slogan fits on a Christmas card. The delivery timetable needs the next three.
An autumn summit will bring business, finance, charities and other organisations together. The invitation promises a warm room, refreshments and somewhere comfortable to sit, demonstrating how quickly Whitehall can arrange these things when the guests already have them.
At the Department of Seasonal Outcomes, the advent calendar’s first door reveals a consultation. Door two contains a working group. Door three cannot open until the working group has agreed what a door is.
“We have already reduced the time remaining by another day,” said the department’s director. “There are fewer days left every time we check. I would challenge anyone to name another government programme showing such consistent movement.”
Staff are particularly proud of “a route off the streets”. You can draw a route with a ruler, whereas a home introduces all sorts of unhelpful requirements involving roofs. The communications team has therefore commissioned an exceptionally attractive arrow.
Meanwhile, the Department of Seasonal Outcomes has commissioned an advent calendar big enough for a minister to stand beside. There is room for a podium, two flags and six photographers. A junior designer suggested adding a bed. The team rejected this because it would obstruct the branding.
The final door contains a successful photograph. Anyone requiring accommodation after that should try knocking on the photograph.
Source: GOV.UK announcement, The Guardian report, official rough sleeping figures.
