Trade barriers have been told to lower themselves after the British and Japanese prime ministers held a cool, calm and pragmatic phone call about growth, security and an Expo pavilion.
Trade barriers receive a firm voicemail
The leaders agreed that trade wars benefit nobody. Economists welcomed the discovery and immediately began searching for the small label that explains why governments keep operating them.
Sir Crispin Dialtone, Director of Bilateral Hold Music, said: “The call was extremely productive. Both leaders said several important nouns, and neither accidentally asked the other to share their screen.”
They also discussed the Osaka Expo and its UK pavilion, which focuses on innovation. The pavilion will demonstrate Britain’s ability to turn a simple international showcase into a queue, a procurement framework and a branded reusable bottle.
Meanwhile, defence cooperation covered next-generation fighter jets. These will be fast, advanced and capable of reaching their destination before the committee deciding what colour the brochure should be.
The official readout ended with a promise to keep in close touch. In diplomacy, this can mean another call next week, an annual summit or recognising each other across a crowded reception while urgently inspecting the carpet.
For now, the trade barriers remain upright. However, they have been copied into the minutes and understand that ministers are very disappointed.
Read the real story: the official UK-Japan call readout.
Officials will now pursue free and open trade through the traditional method of setting up a working group with flags, pastries and a timetable long enough for the barriers to qualify for listed status. The talks begin as soon as everyone agrees what they have just agreed.
