Sport
England Bowling Attack Granted Exit After 250 Overs
England Bowling Attack members have been refreshed after more than 250 overs outside at Manchester became a tenancy.
The Lawn, in retrospect
Earlier articles
The dates are real. The news is satire.
July 2025
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Science & Technology
NISAR Satellite Finds Earth, Still Missing Your Keys
NISAR Satellite scans almost all land and ice twice every 12 days, making household disorganisation an international challenge.
Health & Lifestyle
GP Appointments Delivered In Record Numbers, Somewhere
GP Appointments reached 383.3 million in a record year, leaving patients to check the app, voicemail and distant horizon.
Culture & Entertainment
Savages Film Lets Forest Outperform Development Plan
Savages film gives Borneo’s forest, an orangutan and a determined child more sense than a logging brochure.
Business & Economy
Dead Company Learns Death Is No Excuse For Old Forms
Dead Company restoration now requires a revised form and extra document, proving bureaucracy survives everything.
World
Petra Rudolf Retirement Leaves Flowers Underqualified
Petra Rudolf retirement plans have left the traditional signed card facing a crisis of purpose.
UK Politics & Public Life
Marine Consultation Grants Sea Four More Weeks
Marine Consultation gains four weeks, allowing the sea more time to respond to a detailed form in a sensible font.
Travel & Transport
Holiday Ham Asked To Remain In Europe
Holiday Ham is asked to stay abroad, leaving British border rules, livestock and the suitcase picnic in better shape.
Sport
Joe Root Reaches Second, Finds Tendulkar In Way
Joe Root has reached second in the Test run list, leaving cricket to print the remaining distance in a larger font.
Science & Technology
Mars Rover Does Fifteen Jobs During One Meeting
Mars Rover Curiosity took fifteen images during an orbiter call, setting a productivity target nobody on Earth requested.