Sport
Joe Root Reaches Second, Finds Tendulkar In Way
Joe Root has reached second in the Test run list, leaving cricket to print the remaining distance in a larger font.
The Lawn, in retrospect
Earlier articles
The dates are real. The news is satire.
July 2025
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Science & Technology
Mars Rover Does Fifteen Jobs During One Meeting
Mars Rover Curiosity took fifteen images during an orbiter call, setting a productivity target nobody on Earth requested.
Health & Lifestyle
NHS Appointments Stay Put Until The Text Arrives
NHS Appointments remain on unless patients hear otherwise, leaving the calendar to maintain a very British composure.
Culture & Entertainment
Helen Mirren Turns 80, Emergency Majesty Remains
Helen Mirren turns 80 with emergency majesty fully stocked, one raised eyebrow away from national reassurance.
Business & Economy
Companies House Appoints King, Leaves Crown In Drawer
Companies House appoints Andy King, beginning a new era of corporate filing with precisely no need for a coronation.
World
AUKUS Treaty Books Ocean Until 2075
The AUKUS Treaty books 50 years of submarine cooperation, giving procurement enough time to develop its own tide table.
UK Politics & Public Life
Savings Chair Makes Immediate Withdrawal
The Savings Chair has made an immediate withdrawal, leaving NS and I to begin an interim search and guard the upholstery.
Travel & Transport
Germany Train Promises Direct Route Via Meetings
Germany Train plans promise a direct route, once a joint taskforce has visited every possible platform and meeting room.
Sport
Andre Russell Retirement Moves Boundary Further Back
Andre Russell retirement brought a final Sabina Park farewell, several world titles and a boundary rope seeking new work.
Science & Technology
NASA Puzzler Offers Glory In Lieu Of Prize
NASA Puzzler offers credit and glory for a mystery image, carefully withholding the usual space station trip.