A new infrastructure delivery authority will unite strategy and delivery expertise for major projects. It arrives armed with the Teal Book, the government’s definitive guide to building things, currently stored in a folder marked “later”.
Infrastructure authority sets out to find a desk
The authority promises to rescue roads, railways, schools and hospitals from delay. Its launch began late because the ceremonial ribbon was awaiting planning consent, a bat survey and confirmation that scissors counted as equipment.
Crispin Gantt Salad, Interim Director of Permanent Acceleration, said: “We put the people who write deadlines beside the people who explain why they became decorative. This removes an entire email from the process, though it has created a steering group to celebrate.”
Meanwhile, officials unveiled a ten year pipeline packed with projects, milestones and one tiny plumber inching bravely towards 2034. Investors can inspect it through a secure portal that trusts Internet Explorer more than it trusts them.
The Teal Book sets out best practice for project delivery. Every team must read it before ordering concrete, which is reassuring because concrete has always been one missing meeting away from disappearance. A working group will now decide whether teal means urgency or the sort of confidence displayed by a bank lobby.
Next, the authority simplified barriers. Seven approval gates became the Strategic Gateway Journey, featuring seven approval gates and a warmer font. Consultants called it transformational, then billed the adjective separately.
Finally, staff requested a permanent headquarters. The proposal requires a business case, funding review and infrastructure delivery assessment. Until 2031, the infrastructure delivery authority will work from a gazebo beside the model railway, where progress at least arrives on time.
Read the real story: the government’s infrastructure delivery announcement.
