A fishing vessel licence variation has increased the monthly sole quota for 10m and under licence category A in sea area 7e from 1.5 tonnes to 2 tonnes. The measuring board, having spent years being consulted only at arm’s length, has decided this is its promotion from silent equipment to maritime stakeholder.
The variation took effect from 00:01 on Saturday 25 April 2026. It is a precise administrative change involving one species, one sea area and one licence category. Reginald Plank, the measuring board’s fictional representative, has nevertheless interpreted it as the opening ceremony of a glittering public career.
Reginald has prepared a briefing explaining that 2 tonnes is more than 1.5 tonnes. The document contains three pages, a diagram and a closing recommendation that the board be treated with the dignity usually reserved for people who know where the forms are kept.
The official notice says licence holders are responsible for checking variations before going to sea because the rules can change at any time. This is sensible advice, although it gives the regulations the personality of a seabird with a permanent marker, capable of altering the sign just after everyone has read it.
Category A licence holders now have a revised monthly figure to check before setting out. The board has responded by requesting a larger office, a dedicated diary and a ceremonial ruler. Its fictional briefing insists that measuring is no longer a technical function. It is a leadership model with millimetre markings.
The imaginary campaign has already produced new business cards describing Reginald as a marine regulatory consultant. This is ambitious, particularly since his principal professional achievement remains lying beside fish and confirming that they are not wider than they appear.
The real change is modest and specific. The published variation gives eligible licence holders an updated quota and reminds them to check the latest position before going to sea. The joke is that a measuring board has mistaken a technical notice for a promotion, an office appointment and an invitation to develop a personal brand.
By lunchtime, Reginald had booked a harbour tour, ordered a nameplate and demanded a seat at the next meeting. The nameplate was 30 centimetres long, but the board still could not measure the distance between routine paperwork and a full maritime career.
Source: GOV.UK.
