Enterprise data confirms the economy can still fit in a cell
First, new enterprise data has counted British businesses by employee size and broad industry. The economy has therefore been placed in a spreadsheet, where it became 81.4 kilobytes more manageable and considerably less likely to ask for a grant.
The figures cover enterprises registered for VAT or PAYE. Consequently, every qualifying firm can enjoy the comfort of existing in a cell, even if its customers remain theoretical and its printer has entered its fourth grievance procedure.
Analysts divided companies into employee size bands. This lets Britain distinguish a small business from a medium one without measuring how loudly the owner sighs at an electricity bill or whether there is a spare chair near the kettle.
Small firms receive the dignity of a filter
“Our smallest category includes firms where the finance director empties the bin,” said Felicity Pivot Table, ONS Custodian of Broad Industry. “The largest have a department for naming bins and a subcommittee to discuss the naming.”
Meanwhile, broad industry groups keep the numbers readable. A bakery, software consultancy and manufacturer may differ greatly. However, all can lose an afternoon to the same printer, which is the closest Britain has to a unifying economic policy.
The release answers a specific request for business data. In addition, anyone seeking emotional reassurance may submit a separate request. They should select the tab marked seasonally adjusted optimism and wait for the little wheel to spin.
Finally, the spreadsheet established the precise shape of British enterprise. It contains employers of every size, thousands of industries and one frozen header row showing more leadership than most boards.
Thus, enterprise data has achieved what ministers and markets could not. It has made the entire economy look briefly sortable, provided nobody asks what happens when column B refuses to load.
Read the real story: ONS release on enterprises by size and industry
