War Archives - theLawn.land

Military
War

Europe deploys elite battalion of calligraphers armed with fountain pens to deter aggressors with impeccable penmanship.

Continent Torn Between Deploying Actual Troops or Just Hopes and Prayers. BRUSSELS,…

Hedgewick Thistleton
21/03/2025

War

PM Unveils New Submarine, Assures Nation It ‘Probably Won’t Sink Like the Last One’

New submarine is equipped with ‘state-of-the-art floatiness.’ BARROW-IN-FURNESS, UK — In a…

Biff Tankerton
20/03/2025

Politics

EU Decides Peace Symbol Probably Had It Coming

Bureaucrats conclude iconic bird guilty of ‘unauthorised tranquillity’ and…

Biff Tankerton
05/04/2025

Trade

Civil Servants Spend Weeks Deciding if Retaliatory Tariff Should Apply to Peanut Butter Cups

Emergency Subcommittee Formed to Analyse Chocolate-to-Peanut Butter Ratio Impact on…

Biff Tankerton
04/04/2025

Education

Stabbing Statistics Confirm School Still Excellent Preparation For Modern Britain

Ministry lauds accidental curriculum for fostering ‘essential street-level…

Biff Tankerton
03/04/2025

Easter Bunny Chocolate Crisis: Greedy rabbit surrounded by tiny eggs and gold carrots.

Economy

Easter Bunny Blamed for ‘Egg-Sistential’ Shrinkflation Crisis

Bunny’s ‘Egg-xit’ Strategy Leaves Nation Shell-Shocked. The United…

Biff Tankerton
27/03/2025