Politics EU Decides Peace Symbol Probably Had It Coming Bureaucrats conclude iconic bird guilty of ‘unauthorised tranquillity’ and… Biff Tankerton05/04/20252 minute read
Trade Civil Servants Spend Weeks Deciding if Retaliatory Tariff Should Apply to Peanut Butter Cups Emergency Subcommittee Formed to Analyse Chocolate-to-Peanut Butter Ratio Impact on… Biff Tankerton04/04/20252 minute read
Education Stabbing Statistics Confirm School Still Excellent Preparation For Modern Britain Ministry lauds accidental curriculum for fostering ‘essential street-level… Biff Tankerton03/04/20252 minute read
Easter Bunny Blamed for ‘Egg-Sistential’ Shrinkflation Crisis Bunny’s ‘Egg-xit’ Strategy Leaves Nation Shell-Shocked. The United… Biff Tankerton27/03/20252 minute read
Pothole Naming Rights: Petition for “Markle Mystery Hole” Gaining Traction Locals demand personal touch for every pit of despair. Piddlington-on-Sea’s… Biff Tankerton26/03/20252 minute read
Politics Travel Government Blows £9bn on Tunnel Linking Two Places Nobody Wants to Visit The Great British Money Pit Rolls On In a dazzling display of… Hedgewick Thistleton25/03/20252 minute read
Good News Website Launch; Brits Struggle to Comprehend Concept of ‘Good News’ Confused citizens suspect new site is government propaganda or Banksy art installation.… Biff Tankerton23/03/20252 minute read
Europe deploys elite battalion of calligraphers armed with fountain pens to deter aggressors with impeccable penmanship. Continent Torn Between Deploying Actual Troops or Just Hopes and Prayers. BRUSSELS,… Hedgewick Thistleton21/03/20252 minute read
War PM Unveils New Submarine, Assures Nation It ‘Probably Won’t Sink Like the Last One’ New submarine is equipped with ‘state-of-the-art floatiness.’ BARROW-IN-FURNESS, UK — In a… Biff Tankerton20/03/20252 minute read
Business Finance FTSE 100 Dips; Nation Pretends to Understand What That Means Compass Group Loses Its Way; Public Unaware It Existed The FTSE 100… Biff Tankerton19/03/20252 minute read
Weather Britons Brace for Whiplash as Temperatures Swing from Arctic to Tropical in 24 Hours Experts Recommend Layering Parkas Over Hawaiian Shirts Brace yourselves, Britain: the weather… Biff Tankerton19/03/20252 minute read
Politics Government Solves Budget Crisis by Suggesting Poor People Try Being Less Poor In a bold move, the UK government has proposed a ground breaking… Hedgewick Thistleton18/03/20252 minute read
Transport Travel Nation’s Drivers Thrilled by Prospect of Months-Long Scenic Detours Due to Motorway Closure Britain’s transport system finally achieves its goal of total standstill. Transport authorities… Biff Tankerton17/03/20251 minute read
Economy Politics Chancellor’s Spring Statement to Include Bold Plans for ‘Economic Magic Beans’ Chancellor Bets the Farm on Economic Recovery—Literally. In a daring bid to… Biff Tankerton17/03/20252 minute read
Sport Scientists Baffled as Newcastle Victory Disrupts Space-Time Continuum Experts Baffled as Newcastle Wins Trophy, Universe Demands Explanation In a plot… Biff Tankerton16/03/20252 minute read
Entertainment Psychic’s Prediction Comes True; World Shocked That Guessing Vaguely Can Sometimes Be Right Clairvoyant’s Success Rate Now Rivals That of a Broken Clock In a… Hedgewick Thistleton16/03/20253 minute read
Entertainment Sport Unmissable Sporting Events of 2025: Perfect Excuses to Avoid Social Gatherings Because Pretending to Care About Sports Beats Pretending to Care About Janet’s… Biff Tankerton16/03/20252 minute read
Politics UK Parliament Debates If Debating Is Worth Debating Lawmakers Question the Value of Their Own Discussions in Marathon Session In… Hedgewick Thistleton16/03/20252 minute read
