Business borrowing reached £8.6 billion in May, the highest monthly figure since April 2020, and an office calculator has requested a quiet room where nobody says “net flow” in a meaningful tone.
The Bank of England reported that UK non financial businesses borrowed £8.6 billion from banks and building societies, up from £1.2 billion of net borrowing in April. Large businesses accounted for £8.2 billion of the May figure, while small and medium sized businesses borrowed £0.4 billion.
The calculator has accepted the figures but rejected the atmosphere. It says one large number can be processed, provided nobody places another large number beside it and asks for a trend. It has also requested that anyone using the word confidence first identify whose confidence they mean.
At the Office of Financial Hydration, credit observer Felix Ledger said the machine was responding normally. “It has been given water, a biscuit and a spreadsheet with the emotionally difficult columns hidden,” he said. Felix Ledger is a fictional contributor, although the spreadsheet’s request for annual leave is already being treated as a leading indicator.
The Bank also reported that businesses deposited £4.6 billion in May, following net withdrawals of £7 billion in April. This describes money moving into and out of business accounts. It does not mean the national economy has developed a plot, although several charts are now waiting for one and a bar chart has begun rehearsing a victory speech.
The May total was driven overwhelmingly by large firms. That distinction matters. A number can be accurate and still arrive wearing the wrong hat for the conclusion someone wants to draw from it. The calculator has therefore placed the figure behind a screen marked “please read the definitions before experiencing an opinion”.
Chief Treasury Stationer Mabel Coins said the sensible response was to compare the figures carefully. “We have placed May beside April and asked both months to explain themselves without using the phrase ‘green shoots’,” she said. Mabel Coins is a fictional official and has no authority over the calculator, which has retained legal representation in the form of a receipt from 2018.
The machine is particularly concerned about the phrase “business confidence”. It says confidence is what people call a borrowing figure before checking whether the money was used to expand, refinance, survive or purchase an unnecessarily confident printer. The printer has since issued a statement in twelve point type.
Business borrowing is useful economic information. It helps show how companies are financing activity and how quickly conditions are changing. It also gives statisticians several billion reasons to speak calmly while everyone else stares at the total and waits for a television graphic to explain whether it is good news.
By closing time, the calculator had processed the deposits, reconciled the April comparison and submitted a formal request for June to use smaller fonts. The Bank approved the request, then sent it a form explaining that approval was not the same as relief. The calculator read the form, calculated the interest and finally declared that the only truly confident figure in the building was the printer.
Real story: Bank of England.
