In a bold move, the UK government has proposed a ground breaking solution to fiscal challenges: encouraging low-income citizens to simply “become less poor.” Officials claim this strategy will both balance the budget and promote personal responsibility.
A Revolutionary Approach to Poverty
Chancellor Rachel “Spreadsheet” Cleaves unveiled the policy, declaring it’s time to stop coddling the less fortunate and instead encourage self-sufficiency. The plan suggests welfare recipients pursue lucrative careers as social media influencers, cryptocurrency traders, or reality TV stars. The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) has even launched workshops like “Manifesting Millions: Think Rich to Get Rich” to inspire a wealthier mindset.
Work and Pensions Secretary Liz “Cashflow” Kendoll defended the policy, arguing that reducing benefits will motivate entrepreneurship. “Necessity is the mother of invention,” she said, framing cuts as a push toward financial independence. Critics liken it to teaching swimming by removing the shallow end, while supporters see it as fostering resilience.
Cutting Benefits to Boost Morale
Reactions are mixed—some doubt the plan’s feasibility, while others see opportunity. Self-styled entrepreneur Tom “The Opportunist” Thompson has already launched a £50-a-head seminar series titled “Get Rich Quick.” Local libraries report a surge in demand for self-help books on wealth, with economists calling it the “Prosperity Paradox.”
The strategy has sparked global interest, with several countries considering similar approaches. The International Monetary Fund (IMF) is reportedly intrigued by the concept of tracking “positive thinking” metrics in economic assessments.
From Scepticism to Opportunism
Time will tell if this audacious plan succeeds, but for now, the government remains optimistic, urging citizens to visualise overflowing bank accounts and embrace the mantra: “Less is more—especially when it comes to poverty.”
Disclaimer: This article is a satirical work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual policies, proposals, or government initiatives is purely coincidental. While the ideas presented may appear more effective than existing policies, they are not to be taken as serious recommendations. Governments and policymakers are advised against adopting or implementing any concepts from this piece, regardless of their apparent superiority to current strategies.
