The Chancellor says the Regional Investment Summit will ensure no part of Britain misses out on investment. Every region may now stand equally near Birmingham while international capital finishes breakfast and asks whether the local square can be converted into something with a concierge.
The summit on 21 October will bring business leaders, investors, ministers, mayors and other local leaders together to discuss jobs, growth and the many exciting ways money can arrive in a region without necessarily stopping there.
Corporate sponsors include Eon, Lloyds, KPMG, HSBC and IBM. The Midlands has therefore ordered enough lanyards to create an infrastructure corridor, while consultants prepare to describe every existing building as a platform for future opportunity.
The government says the event will showcase regional opportunities in housing, infrastructure, artificial intelligence and energy. The Directorate of Regional Potential has placed coloured pins across a map. London has agreed to stop sitting on it during the keynote.
‘Opportunity belongs everywhere,’ said Gideon, Senior Partner for Unlockable Horizons. ‘Our fund is deeply committed to the North, the Midlands and any other location with reliable broadband, generous planning arrangements and a satisfactory canapé.’
Supporters hope the summit will attract lasting capital beyond the South East. Regional leaders will present local skills, land and businesses rather than relying on the traditional investment brochure showing one aerial photograph of London at sunset.
Investors value stable policy and clear opportunities. They also value the ancient regional custom whereby a city explains its strengths while a man from a fund asks how quickly he can rename the public square and whether the residents come with it.
The summit is linked to proposed development in the West Midlands across sport, knowledge, transport and creative industries. These are proposals, which means the money currently exists in the safest possible place: inside a sentence containing the words ‘will create’.
The Bureau of Geographical Fairness has arranged identical chairs for every delegation. It placed the corporate sponsors on larger identical chairs beside the power sockets, but insisted this was not a hierarchy. It was merely an investment in differentiated seating outcomes.
The summit may connect worthwhile projects with serious money. The real test comes later, when the investment must leave the presentation and find a postcode without first becoming luxury student flats, a branded experience or a consultancy explaining why the original postcode was insufficiently ambitious.
Officials insist no region will be locked out. The doors will open on time, the badges will scan and capital will depart through the executive exit after validating its parking. By teatime, every region will have been invited to prosperity, and prosperity will have asked for the Wi Fi password.
Real story: HM Treasury.
