World
Diplomatic Phone Call Compresses World Into Four Paragraphs
Diplomatic Phone Call officials fit war, security, drones and reform into a briefing shorter than a restaurant menu.
The Lawn · In focus
Defence
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World
AUKUS Treaty Books Ocean Until 2075
The AUKUS Treaty books 50 years of submarine cooperation, giving procurement enough time to develop its own tide table.
World
Europe deploys elite battalion of calligraphers armed with fountain pens to deter aggressors with impeccable penmanship.
Continent Torn Between Deploying Actual Troops or Just Hopes and Prayers. BRUSSELS, BELGIUM — In a bold display of unity and indecision, European leaders gathered this week to debate the…
World
PM Unveils New Submarine, Assures Nation It ‘Probably Won’t Sink Like the Last One’
New submarine is equipped with ‘state-of-the-art floatiness.’ BARROW-IN-FURNESS, UK — In a ceremony filled with cheers and a hint of nervous laughter, Plum Minister Keith Stammer unveiled the Royal Navy’s…
World
Ukraine Citizens Prepare for Month-Long ‘Not-Getting-Shelled’ Festival
Nation Plans to Celebrate Temporary Peace with ‘Ceasefirepalooza’ Extravaganza In a groundbreaking move towards peace, Ukraine has agreed to a U.S.-proposed 30-day ceasefire with Russia, prompting citizens to dust off…
World
Germany Allowed to Play with Matches Again
Because Ignoring Two World Wars Worked Out So Well In a decision that screams “What could possibly go wrong?” European nations are once again considering handing over their defence reins…