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PM Unveils New Submarine, Assures Nation It ‘Probably Won’t Sink Like the Last One’

England Joy Plan To Be Trialed Briefly Before Normal Anxiety Resumes

FTSE 100 Dips; Nation Pretends to Understand What That Means

Britons Brace for Whiplash as Temperatures Swing from Arctic to Tropical in 24 Hours

Government Solves Budget Crisis by Suggesting Poor People Try Being Less Poor

Astronaut Homecoming Delayed While Earth Locates A Spare Chair

Nation’s Drivers Thrilled by Prospect of Months-Long Scenic Detours Due to Motorway Closure

Chancellor’s Spring Statement to Include Bold Plans for ‘Economic Magic Beans’

Scientists Baffled as Newcastle Victory Disrupts Space-Time Continuum

Psychic’s Prediction Comes True; World Shocked That Guessing Vaguely Can Sometimes Be Right

In a development that has left statisticians and sceptics alike scratching their heads, self-proclaimed psychic Cassandra Moonbeam has accurately predicted a significant event, prompting a global reevaluation of the power of vague guesswork. Moonbeam, known for her nebulous forecasts and penchant for crystal accessories, foretold a "notable incident involving water" just days before a cargo…