World
International Day of Sport finds peace until handball claim
International Day of Sport finds peace until a handball claim turns 37 delegates into the world’s least helpful football team.
The Lawn, in retrospect
Earlier articles
The dates are real. The news is satire.
April 2025
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UK Politics & Public Life
Huge Income Boost Of £150 Asked To Cover Entire Year Without Fuss
Benefit uprating sends £150 to face a year’s bills, then gives it an adjective and a polite briefing.
Travel & Transport
Shropshire Bus Timetable Becomes First Service To Turn Up
Shropshire bus timetable arrives perfectly on time, unlike buses, and gives passengers a precise new way to be disappointed.
UK Politics & Public Life
EU Decides Peace Symbol Probably Had It Coming
Bureaucrats conclude iconic bird guilty of ‘unauthorised tranquillity’ and failing to file appropriate hope permits. BRUSSELS – Forget olive branches. The European Union just declared open season on the European…
Science & Technology
Mars May Have Had Life, ESA Checks It Has Parking
ESA's Hera Mars flyby surveys Oxia Planum for a 2030 rover, proving even a dead planet needs a property inspection before science can begin.
Business & Economy
Civil Servants Spend Weeks Deciding if Retaliatory Tariff Should Apply to Peanut Butter Cups
Emergency Subcommittee Formed to Analyse Chocolate-to-Peanut Butter Ratio Impact on National Morale UPPER PIDDLEWORTH – Forget cars or steel. Britain’s crack team of trade negotiators faces its real challenge: American…
UK Politics & Public Life
Stabbing Statistics Confirm School Still Excellent Preparation For Modern Britain
Ministry lauds accidental curriculum for fostering ‘essential street-level resilience’ and ‘enhanced evasive manoeuvring’. In findings described as “unintentionally gratifying,” the latest government statistics revealing a rise in serious knife incidents…
Health & Lifestyle
Winter Viruses Ask If 600,000 NHS Bed Days Earn a Free Coffee
Four winter viruses turn nearly 600,000 NHS bed days into the only loyalty scheme the public was never invited to join.
Culture & Entertainment
Heritage Revival Fund Asks Pub Why It Is Still Open
The £20m Heritage Revival Fund saves a historic pub by asking its trustees to survive the paperwork first.
Business & Economy
Britain Unlocks £10bn Investment, Discovers It Is Still A Verb
The UK investment partnership says £10bn could arrive by 2030, so ministers have unlocked a spreadsheet and begun looking under the furniture.