EU Decides Peace Symbol Probably Had It Coming

Bureaucrats conclude iconic bird guilty of ‘unauthorised tranquillity’ and failing to file…

Civil Servants Spend Weeks Deciding if Retaliatory Tariff Should Apply to Peanut Butter Cups

Emergency Subcommittee Formed to Analyse Chocolate-to-Peanut Butter Ratio Impact on National Morale…

Stabbing Statistics Confirm School Still Excellent Preparation For Modern Britain

Ministry lauds accidental curriculum for fostering ‘essential street-level resilience’ and ‘enhanced evasive…

Easter Bunny Blamed for ‘Egg-Sistential’ Shrinkflation Crisis

Bunny’s ‘Egg-xit’ Strategy Leaves Nation Shell-Shocked. The United Kingdom is reeling, not…

Pothole Naming Rights: Petition for “Markle Mystery Hole” Gaining Traction

Locals demand personal touch for every pit of despair. Piddlington-on-Sea’s council is…

Good News Website Launch; Brits Struggle to Comprehend Concept of ‘Good News’

Confused citizens suspect new site is government propaganda or Banksy art installation.…

PM Unveils New Submarine, Assures Nation It ‘Probably Won’t Sink Like the Last One’

New submarine is equipped with ‘state-of-the-art floatiness.’ BARROW-IN-FURNESS, UK — In a…

FTSE 100 Dips; Nation Pretends to Understand What That Means

Compass Group Loses Its Way; Public Unaware It Existed The FTSE 100…

Britons Brace for Whiplash as Temperatures Swing from Arctic to Tropical in 24 Hours

Experts Recommend Layering Parkas Over Hawaiian Shirts Brace yourselves, Britain: the weather…

Nation’s Drivers Thrilled by Prospect of Months-Long Scenic Detours Due to Motorway Closure

Britain’s transport system finally achieves its goal of total standstill. Transport authorities…